Can the stories of Tiger Woods’ various infidelities get any more ridiculous? Apparently, yes. With yet another mistress coming out of the woodwork—lucky number 13, no less—who is better to weigh in on the subject than Hugh Hefner’s girlfriend. Crystal Harris, who claims to be the octogenarian’s “number one” girlfriend over 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon, clearly disapproves of Tiger’s behavior.
"I Smile Like This Because She Doesn't Know What I Did Last Night."
No, really.
Maybe it’s the wisdom she’s gained in her 22 years. Maybe it’s jealousy because her boyfriend has Old Man Butt. Maybe it’s because posing for playboy.com doesn’t require that you know the meaning of the word ‘hypocrisy’. But without any sense of irony, she has said, “…if I [were] his wife, I wouldn’t stay with him!” That’s with an exclamation point, so you know she really means it.
Hef himself cleared up a rumor that he commended Tiger for his hyperactive libido. He did not, in fact. He explained to PopTarts that, “I don’t approve of it. I just was not surprised by it…he’s traveling the world. He’s a handsome, young guy and beautiful ladies are throwing themselves at him”. Hef seems to be very happily settled into his relationships with his three standard silicone-enhanced blonde fem-bots. It isn’t the same situation, he rationalized, because he “…think[s] that the immorality of infidelity is the lie. It isn’t really the sex. It’s the cheating”.
Yes, Hef. Men are like lions, right?
Well, Elin Nordegren Woods seems to agree with Hef and at least one of his women, as she was photographed over the weekend without her wedding and engagement rings on. And that was when there were only TWELVE known affairs. Was it because the New York Post reported on Friday that Playboy model Loredana Jolie (surely her real name) admitted to an ongoing relationship with the womanizing wunderkind? Jolie said that, “He purchased gifts for me, diamonds and stuff like that”. Or was it because former Madame Michelle Braun claimed in the same article that he PAID $15,000 for a ‘date’ with the Jolie? The Playmate insists that, on the occasions when she received gifts, no sex occurred, so it wasn’t really prostitution.
Which brings up a whole other issue. If Tiger Woods did, indeed, as Madame Braun claims, pay nearly $60,000 for escorts between 2006 and 2007, then he can be charged with patronizing a prostitute, which could land him in jail for a year if convicted. Any part of that would drive most women to shed their wedding jewelry.
The rundown of women goes like this (so far):
1. Rachel Uchitel, who wins the prize for being the first woman to be linked to Tiger in a salacious way.
2. Jamie Grubbs, no stranger to fame since appearing on VH1’s reality dating show “Tool Academy” (not kidding). She couldn’t wait to share dirty golfer voicemail.
3. Kalika Moquin, a 27-year-old club manager from Las Vegas. I guess that, this time, it didn’t stay in Vegas.
4. Cori Rist, a swimsuit model who claims to have flown to ‘secret locations’ for her affair with Woods. He also met her 7-year-old son. Classy.
5. Jamie Jungers, rumored employee of Madame Braun, former employee of Trashy Girls Lingerie (I swear, I’m not making this up). She also met Tiger in Vegas.
6. Mindy Lawton, server at a pancake house in Orlando, who claims that a photographer caught him dropping her off at the trailer park where she lives, and he was blackmailed over it.
7. Holly Sampson, 36-year-old porn star, who claims that she was intimate with Tiger at his bachelor party, but not after he was actually married.
8. Joslyn James, porn star, said the be in an ongoing relationship with Tiger, according to Deadspin.com.
9. Loredana Jolie, mentioned above.
10. Julie Postle, whose ex-boyfriend said that his then-girlfriend and the golfer had relations both before and after he married Elin.
11. Random Girl, a former cocktail waitress from Orlando, who began their affair when she was just 20.
12. Random Girl 2, a British television host who ended the affair when SHE got married.
13. Random Girl 3, a much older woman who couldn’t get enough of the virile young stud.
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