Stinky Shoe Award: Worst Odor in a Pair of Sneakers
Bad Sex in Fiction Award: Worst Sex Scene in a Book
Jonathan Littell has won the seventeenth annual Literary Review Bad Sex in Fiction Award, for The Kindly Ones (Chatto & Windus). The prize (a plaster foot) was presented by award-winning actor Charles Dance. It was accepted on Littell's behalf by his editor at Chatto & Windus, Alison Samuel. The judges - who called the book "in part, a work of a genius" - highlighted a passage likening orgasm to the scraping out of a hard-boiled egg by a spoon and another one in which Aue likens a vagina to "a Gorgon's head ... a motionless Cyclops whose single eye never blinks".
Stella Award: Dumbest Lawsuits
The winner of the 2007 True Stella Award was Roy L. Pearson Jr. The 57-year-old Administrative Law Judge from Washington DC claims that a dry cleaner lost a pair of his pants, so he sued the mom-and-pop business for $65,462,500. That's right: more than $65 million for one pair of pants. Representing himself,Judge Pearson cried in court over the loss of his pants, whining that there certainly isn't a more compelling case in the District archives. But the Superior Courtjudge wasn't moved: he called the case "vexatious litigation", scolded Judge Pearson for his "bad faith", and awarded damages to the dry cleaners. But Pearson didn't take no for an answer: he's appealing the decision. And he has plenty of time on his hands, since he was dismissed from his job. Last we heard, Pearson's appeal is still pending.
Darwin Award: Dumbest Accidental Deaths
Jumping out of a plane to film skydivers without wearing a parachute (U.S., 1987); Trying to get enough light to look down the barrel of a loaded muzzleloader gun using a cigarette lighter (U.S., 1996); Attempting to play Russian roulette with a semi-automatic pistol that automatically loads the next round into the chamber.
Each year, one award is selected as being much more "honorable" than the rest, and it is crowned as the "Darwin Award of the Year". In 2007, the winner was "The Enema Within", in which a man died of alcohol poisoning after having two 1.5 litre bottles (over 100 fluid ounces) of sherry inserted anally.
Shorty Awards: Best Twitter Lines
The Ernie Awards: Most Sexist Comment
1996: Magistrate Ron Gething, Magistrates Court of Western Australia: (upon finding a man not guilty of stalking a woman for seven years), “I don't think he was intimidating her, he was just being persistent. He was like a little puppy dog wagging its tail.”
2005: Sheikh Feiz Mohammad, Islamic cleric: “A victim of rape every minute somewhere in the world. Why? No one to blame but herself. She displayed her beauty to the entire world…strapless, backless, sleeveless, nothing but satanic skirts, slit skirts, translucent blouses, miniskirts, tight jeans…to tease men and appeal to their carnal nature.”
2003: Stellar Call Centre: for docking the pay of a pregnant woman for taking too many toilet breaks.
Pastor Danny Nalliah, pictured above, received the 2009 award for blaming the Black Saturday bushfires on Victoria's abortion laws. His exactly words were: "God's conditional protection has been removed from the nation of Australia, in particular Victoria, for approving the slaughter of innocent children in the womb.''
Ig Nobel Prize: Nobel Parody for the Dumbest Scientific Achievements
Some recent winners are:
In Medicine: Brian Witcombe from Gloucester, for his research on “Sword Swallowing and Its Side Effects” and his results include “sore throats”;
In Linguistics: Juan Manuel Toro, Josp B Tobalon and Nuria Sebastian-Galles of the University of Barcelona, for showing that rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards;
In Peace: Air Force Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio, for its research on a gay bomb which could cause enemy soldiers to become irresistible to one another and lose the will to fight. The Laboratory spent $7.5 million in the U.S. for this research.
Golden Raspberry Award: Oscar Parody for Worst Movie
Worst Picture Dis-Honorees to date have included such Big Budget B.O. Bombs as Catwoman, The Love Guru and Howard The Duck, as well as such Certified Camp Classics as Mommie Dearest, Showgirls, Battlefield Earth and I Know Who Killed Me.
The Foot In Mouth Award: Dumbest Comment by a Public Figure
In 2008 George W. Bush received a Lifetime Achievement Award for "his services to gobbledygook", including: "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right."
Weird-Ass Picture Book Awards: Weirdest Stories, Cover and Illustrations on a Book
Cover Art: New Socks by Bob Shea
Illustration: Bow Wow Bugs a Bug by Mark Newgarden and Megan Montague Cash
Story: Five Little Gefiltes by Dave Horowitz
Best Weird-Ass Picture Book: Cowboy and Octopus by Jon Scieszka, illustrated by Lane Smith